


This Is Not Okay

by AliceSchuyler



Series: Keeping It Together [10]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: "Friends With Benefits" Promo Inspired, Consent is Sexy, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Trauma, M/M, Medical Trauma, Physical Abuse, Rape, Sexual Assault, Some PWP (but not much), Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29255511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceSchuyler/pseuds/AliceSchuyler
Summary: "You didn't tell your parents I was your boyfriend." Was. That was all Carlos heard, his heart pounding in his chest. (Based off the promo for 2x04)
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Carlos/OMC (mentioned)
Series: Keeping It Together [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2132163
Comments: 7
Kudos: 164





	This Is Not Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Buckle in, this one is dark. This is based off the promo for 2x04, Friends With Benefits, because Tarlos demands to be written y'all.  
> TW/CW for emotional abuse, sexual assault, physical abuse, rape, and sexual connotations/content. I promise I will not be mad if you don't read this one - mental health is a big deal, and I want you to look after yours.

TK and Carlos were walking through the farmers market, TK ignoring all the produce to walk a little behind Carlos, staring at his perfect ass in his tight jeans.

“Seriously TK? Do you want me to get food or not?” asked Carlos, half laughing as he realised TK was behind him again.

“I vote no food, and back to your place so we can pick up where we left off this morning,” said TK, cuddling Carlos from behind, grabbing an ass cheek to reiterate his point. He loved the way Carlos flushed at his words and had to readjust his pants, and he turned around to kiss TK briefly.

“If you starve and die, I think your dad might kill me, so as much as I want to say screw it, and _screw you_ , we really need to get these vegetables. I’ll be quick though,” said Carlos, grinning at his boyfriend.

“Carlos?” Carlos pulled away from TK in a flash, and TK thought he saw a hint of fear in Carlos’ face, though he wasn’t 100% sure why. TK could see the resemblance between the older couple standing in front of him, and his face split into a wide smile, excitement thrumming through his veins.

“Oh my god, are these your parents?”

“Mami? Papa? What are you doing here?” asked Carlos, completely ignoring TK.

“We were passing through, and thought we’d say hello to our son. Are you going to introduce us?” asked Andrea Reyes, eyeing her son critically, her gaze moving to TK.

_Carlos wanted the earth to open back up, and the lava to burn him alive._

“This is my friend, ah, TK. TK, this is Andrea Reyes and my father Jorge Reyes,” he said awkwardly. TK felt like he was inside a horror film of his life, watching as Jorge Reyes glanced at him, and realised he was the intruder in this family conversation.

“It was really nice meeting you both, your son is an excellent police officer. Thanks for showing me this market Carlos, I should really get going,” said TK politely, hoping to hold back the hot tears of hurt threatening to spill over. Carlos could see the smile was plastered on, the one he used when he was trying to obscure his real feelings and emotions for fear of being abandoned again.

“TK, wait,” said Carlos desperately. TK had already pulled out his phone, organising an Uber to take him home, distracting himself from his heart breaking.

_He’d been played. Again._

“No, it’s all good. I’ve got to get home anyway. Thanks for taking the time to show me around Austin.” TK walked away, and Carlos could already see in his stance that he was upset and hurt. Carlos ran a weary hand across his face.

“ _Mierda_ ,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Carlos! Language!” admonished Andrea.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” he demanded.

“We wanted to surprise you, see how you were doing. The last time we saw you was when you were in hospital after that… incident with Sebastian,” answered Jorge carefully.

“Don’t mention his name. He is nothing like TK,” snapped Carlos.

“Ah, so he’s not just a friend,” said Andrea, eyes sparkling.

“No, of course not Mami. He’s my best friend, the best thing that’s happened to me since Houston,” Carlos tried to explain.

“We’re just worried for you ‘Los. You weren’t the same after Seb, and we were worried when you left Houston without a word, only telling us a month later that you had relocated to Austin. I’m your mami, of course I’m always going to worry about you. If you think he’s the best thing for you, then why didn’t you introduce him as your boyfriend?” asked Andrea. Jorge ushered them over to a picnic bench, dumping the bags of produce on the table as he sat across from his son, his wife next to Carlos and holding his hand. Carlos’ eyes glittered with unshed tears, looking down at his legs, not wanting to look up at either of his parents.

“I was… I was scared how you’d react. After everything that happen with Bas, I didn’t think you’d want to find out that your son was in another same sex relationship,” admitted Carlos, voice thick.

“Oh, _mijo_. We wouldn’t expect you to try and change, we just want what’s best for you. We saw you earlier with TK, and you two looked like you were so happy. He makes you smile in a way that Sebastian never did, in the twelve months you were together, and that makes my heart sing, _mijo_.” Carlos looked up, meeting his mother’s eyes and realising that she was being sincere, and the emotional wall he was trying so hard to keep up just crumbled around him, and he started crying. Andrea wrapped her arms around her son, soothing him like she did when he was a child, allowing him a few moments before pulling away. She handed him a tissue, and he scrubbed at his face, embarrassed at how he’d reacted.

“You need to go make things right with that boy,” suggested Jorge quietly. Carlos looked at his father, hiccupping a little as he tried to bring himself back under control.

“We’re here for a few days. Go make things right with that boy, and then we can go out to dinner, get to know this TK properly,” offered Andrea. Carlos stood up, kissing his mother on the cheek.

“I’ll call you!” Carlos sprinted away, straight to the carpark and into his Camaro. He pulled out his phone, dialling TK’s number and putting in on hands free as he accelerated out of the carpark.

“ _You’ve reached TK. Messages are boring, so leave a good one!”_

“TK, it’s Carlos, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what happened, please let me explain.” The message bank cut him off, and Carlos slapped his hands on the steering wheel. He pulled into his driveway, heart breaking as he realised TK was sitting on the front step, arms wrapped around his knees, eyes red rimmed and face streaked with tears.

“TK, please, let me explain,” begged Carlos. TK shook his head, and allowed Carlos to unlock the front door, heading inside. Carlos closed the door behind them both, and TK took a seat on the ottoman in the middle of the loungeroom.

“You… you didn’t tell your parents that I was your boyfriend,” said TK quietly.

_Was._

Carlos felt his heart break a little, and he froze, unable to articulate the thoughts running through his head. TK sighed, standing up and dusting himself down, pulling his emotional walls back around himself to protect his heart.

“It’s been fun Reyes. Perhaps I’ll see you out on a job sometime, we can hook up after a shift,” said TK, not even meeting Carlos’ eyes. He headed for the door, and Carlos grabbed his shoulder, turning him around to face him as Carlos held the door open.

“Are we breaking up?” asked Carlos, trying to keep himself together.

_He needed to know where he stood._

“I don’t know. Are you going to tell me what brought all this on, and why you felt the need to not introduce me to your parents? God knows you know mine,” snapped TK. Carlos felt his world go dark for a moment, panic rising as he realised the implications of what had occurred, his breaths coming quickly, feeling like the oxygen wasn’t getting to his brain, the feelings of imminent danger and dread flooding through him. He held a hand to his chest, legs feeling as shaky as a newborn colt, not sure they’d be able to hold him up for much longer. 

“Can’t breathe,” he gasped. TK jumped into first responder mode, leading Carlos back into the lounge room, letting the front door close.

“You’re having a panic attack, you’re okay. Nothing is coming for you, nothing is going to happen, you just need to focus on my breathing, okay?” TK held Carlos’s hand over his heart, letting him feel the rise and fall of TK’s chest as he breathed, each inhale and exhale exaggerated for Carlos’ panicked brain to catch on to. After a few minutes Carlos’ heart rate started to slow, his breathing evening out, and the sense of foreboding easing back, though still there. He listed sideways against the couch cushions, away from TK, not sure if he was even allowed to touch him anymore.

“That was the first time I’ve ever seen you panic. What’s going on Carlos?” asked TK quietly.

“I… I was scared. To introduce you to my parents as my boyfriend,” started Carlos. TK stood up, heading to the kitchen and returned a few moments later with two glasses of water, handing one to Carlos. He put it on the coffee table straight away, not wanting to lose focus on what he needed to tell TK.

“Do your parents not know that you’re gay?” TK asked hesitantly. Carlos shook his head.

“No. They know that I’m gay,” answered Carlos. TK felt like he was trying to find a needle in a literal haystack, unsure of what Carlos was hiding.

“So why the fear?” Carlos inhaled deeply, trying to centre his emotions before blurting out an answer to TK.

“Because my last boyfriend landed me in a hospital for three months after he assaulted me.” TK’s eyes widened at the revelation, nearly dropping the glass of water. He set it down on the coffee table, wanting to comfort Carlos, but not sure if he should.

“Do… do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing. I should have been strong, should have seen the signs. I’m a cop TK, do you have any idea how many women I talk to about domestic violence? I should have just walked away,” answered Carlos desperately.

“Sometimes it’s not that easy. How many women have you actually seen walk away from a relationship like that? They either feel they can’t, or they don’t find the strength until after they’re in hospital, beaten black and blue and unable to explain how it happened,” replied TK. He settled back against the lounge, watching Carlos with warm, caring eyes. Carlos closed his, so he wouldn’t have to look at TK as he relived some of the worst moments of his life, terrified of how he’d react. 

“He wasn’t like that when we started dating. He was… perfection. Tall, blond, muscles, his ass was to die for, and his lips were like melted chocolate. I thought I’d finally landed my dream guy when I met him…”

_“Sebastian, you’re too good to me. These flowers are gorgeous, where did you find them?”_

_“They were at that florist a couple of blocks down. I saw them and I thought of your pretty face.”_

"Flowers, chocolates, brunch dates, surprise dinner dates. He thought of everything, until he started… changing.”

_“I don’t like it when you’re working overtime Carlos. I like it when you come home on time, to see me. Then I know you’re not hanging out with those cop buddies of yours.”_

_“They’re just colleagues, nothing else. You’re the love of my life Sebastian, not them.”_

“Three months in, he broke my nose slapping me when I went out for a drink with some friends after a case. He apologised an hour later, tending to the wound, and I thought that maybe that was it, he just has a little temper. It was my fault anyway, I forgot to message him to tell him I’d be late home.”

_“I’m so sorry Carlos, I didn’t mean to, you just made me worry when you didn’t come home like you normally do. My temper got the best of me. Let me look after you.”_

“I started to pull away from friends, family, convinced I needed to be the best boyfriend I could be for Sebastian, sure I was doing something wrong that was making him so angry. Five months in, he broke my wrist while we were having sex, and told me that I was whining over nothing.”

_“Seb, I think it’s broken, I really need to go and get it check out.”_

_“It’s just a little swollen Carlos, nothing is broken. Don’t be such a baby about it.”_

“He told me I was gaining weight, that I wasn’t like the man I was when we first started dating, that it was my fault he was pulling away from me. I lost weight, muscle, and my skin was hanging off me, and it still wasn’t enough.”

_“Carlos, seriously, look at the flab around your middle. How am I supposed to love someone who looks like that? Honestly, anyone would think you don’t care about yourself anymore.”_

“I started to get hurt on the job, low blood sugar making it hard to concentrate. Every time I came home with a new injury, Bas told me that it was my fault, and would slap me, beat me, telling me that he hoped I’d learned my lesson, and maybe I’d concentrate better. Eight months in, and I ended up in hospital one night with a concussion. He – he was so caring there at the hospital, fawning over me, making sure I was well looked after. I should have known it would end badly, and as soon as I was home, he raped me.” Carlos was practically gasping for breath now, the memories so vivid.

“Carlos, you don’t have to tell me everything,” said TK softly. Carlos didn’t hear him, lost in the memories that he’d tried to push down when he moved to Austin and started his life anew, sobbing and panting for air as he lost himself…

* * *

“You’re so perfect for me baby, so tight, so resistant. Anyone would think you didn’t want it, but I know you do. You’ve always wanted to do what I want, when I want, and I love you for it. You’re compliant, always listening, always trying your best, ugh.” 

_Carlos felt like he was drowning, the pain flaring every time Sebastian thrust into him, a groan escaping from his bound lips._

“That’s it baby, you’re so good to me. You’ll always be mine Carlos, always and forever, and I’m going to make sure no one else gets to try you, to taste you.”

_He tried to move, tried to pull away, and he felt Sebastian’s teeth on his shoulder, tearing through the flesh._

“I’m gonna ugh, mess you up good, so no one else will ever want you. Oh god, you’re so good Carlos, yes!”

_A cold metal blade pressed into Carlos’ left side, and Carlos tried to scream as Sebastian bore down on the blade, driving it into Carlos’ skin. Sebastian finished, having finally reached the orgasm he so desired as Carlos’ scream broke through, exciting him further as he ripped off the tape across Carlos’ mouth, breathing heavily against the back of his neck._

“Scream for me baby, you’re so perfect.”

_Two ribs cracked under pressure, and as Carlos bucked to get away from Sebastian, he felt the knife slid out from his stomach, slicing across his thigh. He whimpered as Sebastian flipped him on his back, his vision whiting out for a moment from the agony coursing through his body._

“You make such good noises, so heart-warming.”

_Sebastian wrapped strong, slender fingers around Carlos’ neck, squeezing. Spots appeared in his eyes as he tried to fight off Sebastian, despite the blood loss that was making him weak. His body finally blacked out, blissful unawareness a cocoon of safety from Sebastian._

* * *

TK had his fingers held to his lips, eyes shining with tears as he looked at Carlos, watching as his body trembled, anxiety ratcheting up again. Carlos refused to look at TK, fear of rejection at the forefront of his mind.

“My sergeant sent two officers to my house the next day, because I missed a shift. I’d passed out on two earlier shifts, and he was concerned, especially after he ran into Sebastian, and he said he hadn’t seen me. I was tied to the bed, naked, bleeding from my head, my side, where he’d raped me, covered in dark bruising, barely breathing. The officers had to call in EMS, and I found myself in hospital that night, alone. Sebastian left, was found by the cops two months later doing the same thing to some other guy he’d met in Houston,” said Carlos, barely able to breathe.

“Oh, _Carlos_ ,” said TK, voice cracking with emotion.

“I had a cracked zygomatic bone, a fracture to the eye socket, fractured clavicle, bruised trachea, internal bleeding and tears, two broken ribs and one cracked, a confirmed broken wrist that had to be rebroken and surgically repaired, as well as torn ligaments in my ankles where he restrained me. I didn’t tell anyone I was in hospital until my parents found me two weeks later, still recovering, and the hospital needed next of kin to sign off on a surgery because I was deemed medically unfit to make my own decisions due to a high fever and infection. Three months later, I left in the middle of the night to drive here, and start my new life in Austin.” TK wanted to reach out to Carlos, to coddle him, hold him close and make sure that nothing in the world hurt him like Sebastian had. He had no idea how to respond, how to reassure Carlos that he definitely wasn’t leaving him now, not after the revelation he’d just poured out to him.

“TK? Say something,” pleaded Carlos. He finally opened his eyes, looking at TK, and his own emotions came flooding out, the reality that he’d almost died at the hands Sebastian’s hands before he’d had a chance to meet TK. He opened his arms, inviting Carlos to come closer, and Carlos pressed himself to TK’s chest, sobs tearing through him, TK’s warm hand holding him close, the other running through his hair.

“Shh, you’re safe. I promise you are safe, nothing will happen while I’m here,” soothed TK, his own tears falling. He felt like he and Carlos were there for hours. Each time Carlos seemed to have it together, he’d break down again, clutching TK’s shirt, mumbling something incoherent, and TK would shush him, holding him close. After an hour, Carlos seemed to have melted against TK, breath still hitching occasionally, fingers still tangled in TK’s damp shirt. TK rubbed Carlos’ back gently, kissing the top of his head.

“You make so much more sense now,” whispered TK.

“What do you mean?” croaked Carlos.

“You are so perfect. You bend over backwards to make sure that I am loved and cared for, that nothing ever goes wrong, and while I love that about you, I always wondered why you felt you had to do that. You are always compromising, doing what I want and not what you want, and it was making me anxious, wondering what I’d done to either find someone who wanted to be so devoted, or who just wanted to string me along for a while,” admitted TK quietly. Carlos nearly smacked TK in the chin in his haste to push himself up to meet TK’s gaze.

“No, no, I wasn’t trying to str-” TK cut him off, silencing him with a finger against his lips.

“I didn’t say you were, it’s alright. I just wasn’t sure if I’d done something wrong to make it feel that way. Alex damaged me as well Carlos. Not in the same way Sebastian did to you, but emotionally, and I always questions what I did wrong every time there’s a bump in the road with a relationship. I am still always astounded that you chose me, willingly sought me out, and that makes my heart skip a beat, every time I remember that _you_ are my boyfriend. Your strength amazes me, to be able to go through something like that and still be the wonderful, kind, caring person you are now,” said TK, pulling Carlos back down to his chest. They’d sunk down on the lounge, TK cradling Carlos into his side, holding him close, kissing the top of his head. Carlos stretched up, meeting TK’s lips with his own, the salty tang mixing in with TK’s musk. TK smiled into the kiss before pulling away, touching foreheads with Carlos.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It was just… today, when I saw Mami and Papa, I just remembered when I told them I thought Sebastian was the one, and then my whole world caved in on itself,” replied Carlos.

“And you didn’t want to jinx it,” added TK. Carlos nodded his head, before snuggling close to TK. 

“This? _This is not okay_. I promise I am not going anywhere Carlos, and I’m most definitely not going to start hurting you or anything. You mean the world to me, more than anyone else ever has, and I don’t ever want to jeopardise that. I want to grow old with you, spend my life forever by your side, no matter what happens,” said TK quietly. Carlos smiled, blushing into TK’s shirt. “What is it?” asked TK, grinning back at home.

“Mami noticed it. She said that you make me smile in a way Sebastian never did,” explained Carlos.

“Damn well hope so, I’m much prettier than him,” replied TK. Carlos reached up to catch TK’s lips again, before TK pushed him off, getting to his feet.

“Where are you going?” asked Carlos, a hint of fear in his voice.

“We’re going upstairs. I believe I win the vote of ‘let’s not get food and go home to have sex’, did I not?” smirked TK. Carlos hesitated, and TK’s face dropped. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to though,” offered TK.

“I don’t want you to see the scars,” admitted Carlos quietly. TK crouched down in front of him.

“I’ve seen them before ‘Los, remember? We’ve been shirtless together many times, including in this living room,” said TK quietly. Carlos refused to look at him, glaring down at his own feet on the floor. “It’s not about me seeing them before now, is it. It’s because now you’ve told me the story behind them,” realised TK. Carlos nodded, and then felt TK lift him to his feet.

“Come upstairs with me,” he whispered in his ear. Carlos nodded, heart hammering against his chest. He blindly followed TK, terrified that he’d change his mind as soon as they started stripping. Once they were inside the door, TK pressed his lips to Carlos, walking him backwards to the bed, pushing him down. Carlos kissed him back, desperate and needy, still wondering how on earth this was going to go well. TK pulled away from Carlos, smiling at the swollen lips, before kissing his cheek, a tiny scar barely visible on the flesh.

“This scar reminds me that you’re strong, that you fight back.”

_The next kiss goes on his neck, where the bruising sometimes echoes through Carlos’ body when he wakes up from a nightmare._

“Even when someone tries to silence you, you keep fighting for you, for what’s right.”

_The scar across his clavicle where they inserted the plate is the next item to be laved by TK’s tongue, his shirt being unbuttoned and pulled away._

“You stay strong, no matter what happens.”

_The scar on the inside of his wrist is tingling as TK’s lips brush past, breath warm, pushing him against the soft bed covers._

“No matter the pain, you’ll always fight through.”

_He inhales sharply as TK touches the tender, sensitive skin of his side, tiny kisses peppered on the olive skin, the raised scar still a little pink._

He rolls his hips upwards, desperate for contact on his aching cock, moaning under TK’s ministrations. TK smiles as Carlos groans, pleasure tingling through his body as he strips off, unbuckling Carlos’ belt and removing his pants as well.

"Is this okay?” asked TK, barely a breath in Carlos’ ear.

“This is not just okay. This is amazing, please.” TK palmed Carlos through his briefs, and watched his whole body jump, pupils blown, breath quickening as he realised TK was not going to make this easy.

_TK was determined to erase every memory of Sebastian from Carlos’ skin, one kiss at a time._

* * *

“Mami and Papa want to meet you,” said Carlos, lazily drawing on TK’s naked chest with his finger, sated after their afternoon jaunt. TK held him close, staring at the ceiling as Carlos absentmindedly touched him.

“Do you want me to?” asked TK, looking down at Carlos. He stopped drawing, giving TK his full attention.

“I think I do. They’re my parents, they mean well, and they just want the best for me,” replied Carlos hesitantly. TK kissed his forehead, slow and soothing, Carlos closing his eyes at the contact.

“Then of course, I’ll meet your parents. You’ve met mine, what’s the worst that could happen?” Carlos laughed, the first time TK had heard him laugh all afternoon, and felt his heart lift.

“Wait til you have to suffer through all the stories of me as a kid,” said Carlos breathlessly.

“I’m sure you were gorgeous as a kid, devilishly handsome and smart,” replied TK lovingly. Carlos pushed TK over, kissing him hard, straddling his hips.

“Smart enough to know that we have enough time to go another round before we have to go. Are you up for it?” TK cocked an eyebrow at Carlos before flipping them over, Carlos pinned to the bed, grinning.

“I am. Question is, are you?”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr and harass me to write more - @AliceSchuyler


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